请英语高手帮我点评一下我的四级作文（语法、用词)

" Mute English"among Chinese students
A phenomonon of "Mute English"appears among Chinese students because they can't TALK IN English to with their classmates ,friends and foreigners.
There are two reasons for this situation.First ,most of Chinese students STUDY English for their examinationS ,they pay more attention to written testS and neglect of spoken language .It is a failURE to ChinA'S education .SecondLY ,many Chinese students are so shy and unconfident in English class THAT they always LISTEN carefully ,but not put up their hands to answer teacher's questions .
If the Chinese students solve this problem ,as I see it ,they must cover the following points:first ,don't study hard for examiationS,but FOR the konwledge; secondLY,they should pay attention to spoken lanuage ; AT last,if they meet the foreigner in A supermarket or A restaurant ,they should talk with the foreign people boldly.
In a word,learning English or another foreign lanuage is AN interesting THING ,not a burden.WE shouldn't study only for examinationS.

1.phenomonon错了：应为 phenomenon
2.第二段：studys中s去掉；neglect前加therefore（表逻辑; it is a fail to Chinese education中to改为for; listening 改为listen; not 改为never; teacher's 改为teachers', 前面加their.
3. 第三段：if the Chinese students..改为：to solve this problem, it去掉，其他的三点不可取，因为汉语意义太明显，不符合英语习惯。

文章结构还可以,但用词不讲究,缺乏高级句行闪光点
It is a fail to Chinese education 该为非限制性定语从句
whichi is a serious failure as for Chinese education

they always listening carefully 是病句,应该为they are always listening carefully
many Chinese students are so shy and unconfident in English class ,they always are listening carefully ,that they do not like to put up their hands to answer teacher's questions .
建议使用first of all,secondlly,last but not least等高级词汇

文章的句型还可以再高级一点，词汇可以适当用的难一点