英语简单幽默短小演讲

　　Talking clock
　　会说话的钟
　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
　　一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”

　　这是第一篇~
　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

　　一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

　　Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
　　"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
　　四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的 经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人 说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝 并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

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英文幽默哲理小故事：
　　父子二人经过五星级饭店门口，看到一辆十分豪华的进口轿车。
　　儿子不屑地对他的父亲说：「坐这种车的人，肚子里一定没有学问！」
　　父亲则轻描淡写地回答：说这种话的人，口袋里一定没有钱
　　（注：你对事情的看法，是不是也反映出你内心真正的态度？）
　　After his father five-star hotel door and saw a very luxury imported cars.
　　Son of disdain for his father, said: "The people who take such a vehicle, necessarily Moyouxuewen stomach!"
　　Father answered lightly: say such things, certainly no money pocket
　　(Note: Your view of things, is not it also reflects the real attitude of your heart?)

　　Let me take it down

　　An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
　　"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

　　为我所用
　　一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”
　　“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

　　Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
　　Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
　　老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
　　汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
　　（只为成功找方法，不为失败找理由）
以上是我的回答，希望能帮你解决问题，请尽快采纳，谢谢，亲~）