另外，what think about it?可以改成？what about they think about it?最后一段帮你改一下： I think that it was do some part-time job better help of students knows money was important in your life,came back school you will focus on your study.But you cann't do more,you also was a student,so studied very well was your goals.我想做一些兼职的工作是更好的能够帮助学生知道学习的重要性，回到学校他们能够更加关注与学习。打死你，不要做太多，因为你还是个学生，学习的更好是你的学习目标。
议论的不错，最后一段应再加长一点
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