翻译基本正确。前者是与将来可能相反的虚拟语气。可以翻译成:万一他侥幸上清华大学。。。
后者是真实句,翻译正确。
Hearing their teacher's voice 分词短语做状语, the pupils 主语 stopped talking(stop doing谓语)at once 时间状语. 一般来说,分词做状语放在句首。下面的那几句不合适。可以是As soon as they?heard?their?teacher’s?voice, the pupils stopped talking at once.